From Marty. He's excited.
APOCRYPHAL PRESS OPINION
AN OPEN LETTER TO JOHN McCAIN FROM
AP HUMOR EDITOR, SHEKI MBEKI
August 29, 2008
Dear Senator McCain,
On behalf of comedians and comedy writers all over this great nation, I
thank you for naming Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska as your running
mate. I 'm sure this gift will keep on giving right up to Election Day.
I understand your wish to have a woman who might pick up a few of
Hillary Clinton's disgruntled backers, but you might better have picked
Aunt Jemima. That way you could have offended both blacks and women
without losing a beat of comic momentum.
Perhaps you were influenced by her days as a basketball player (where she picked up her life-long nickname, "Sarah Barracuda"). You might replace one debate with a one-on-one game between the Barack and the Barracuda. If it goes well, you'll probably be just as glad to replace all the debates with basketball games.
As a seventy-one year old, you surely understand that you are closer to death than Barack Obama, yet you picked a candidate so supremely unqualified for the presidency that comedians can fire their writers and just read the news.
Governor Palin, 44, has an extensive political background. She was elected mayor of Wasilla, Alaska at the age of 32, defeating a three-term incumbent. During her time as Mayor, Wasilla grew to an estimated 8,471 making it the fifth largest in Alaska. It's somewhat more cosmopolitan than Hooterville. Then she was governor for almost two years. Alaska, at last estimate, had a population of nearly 700,000, 47th of the 50 states. Put another way, there are three times as many people living in prison in the United States as in Alaska.
Alaska's five or ten biggest industries are OIL! Followed (not closely) by fisheries, wood and wood products, furs, and tourism. So it's clear her administrative experience as mayor of a city slightly larger than Chelsea, Michigan and short-time governor of a state that would, in population, be the 16th largest city in the U.S. (between Austin, Texas and Columbus, Ohio), make Governor Palin an excellent choice to run the United States. And her foreign policy experience is . . . is . . . hmmm. Is "nothing" funny? I'll have to get back to you on that. But her state's involvement with oil makes her highly qualified to service one of the Republican Party's biggest clients and should produce laughs as long as she's running on the national ticket.
In a lawsuit, filed this month in Federal
District Court in the District of Columbia, Palin, a lifetime member of the N.R.A., argues that the government's move to list polar bears as endangered is
not based on sound science, and restricts oil and natural gas development. The State is represented by the firm of Derrick, Gusher, and Gouge which is charging
for its services at the rate of $603 9/10 $612 9/10 $625 9/10 $635 9/10 per hour.
I'm guessing that Palin is giving up a lot here. If she's elected, she'll have to give up her pleasant life of drilling for oil and shooting bears, for the Washington that she and McCain say they hate. If she loses, she'll be up a creek without a kayak.
And finally, as befits the party of Jack "Privatizing Congress" Abramoff, Scooter Libby, Bob Ney, Alberto "I Don't Recall" Gonzalez, and Monica "I'll take the fifth on that" Goodling, Governor Palin already has a fine scandal involving misuse of power that gives comedians a head start on the campaign. She is under investigation for firing the Public Safety Commissioner because, it is alleged, she sacked him for refusing to fire her former brother-in-law, who was locked in a child-custody battle with Palin's sister, from the state police. She denies wrongdoing. You go, girl! Defend your sister. After all she's family, not just a bear.
Yours in laughter
Sheki

